


Is This Weird?

by aykroyd



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: AFAB Big Head, AMAB Erlich, Implied Non-Binary Erlich, Implied/Referenced Non-Binary Big Head, Other, so im here to FIX THAT SHIT, theres barely any bachmanity fics and there DEF isnt enough nb erlich or nb big head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 00:58:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8690374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aykroyd/pseuds/aykroyd
Summary: Erlich asks Big Head on a date, but I don't think they really understood what Erlich meant.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GayvidWain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayvidWain/gifts).



> Big Head and Erlich are trans okay, this is non-negotiable. Also I'm like really shocked there isn't a bigger Bachmanity presence like... where are y'all? They/Them pronouns for both Erlich and Big Head. 
> 
> BTW I don't know how to make the spaces between my text not huge as fuck so sorry if that's distracting. anyways, have fun kids.
> 
> Shout out to my main slice Benji Gayvidwain for contributing all their headcanons to this fic, wouldn't be possible without them.
> 
> \-- -- --

Erlich slams into Richard’s room. Richard jumps at his desk and spills the glass of water he had just sat down. He scrambles for a towel as Erlich stands, as if nothing has happened, in the doorway. 

 

“Oh my god, Erlich, you fucking asshole, could you knock for once in your life?” Richard kneels on the floor and sops the liquid from the floor. 

 

“Knock? In my own home? Absolutely not.” Erlich walks up behind Richard. Richard looks up from the puddle and then back down at it, avoiding eye contact. He could feel Erlich’s eyes burning into the back of his head.

 

“Erlich! Are you going to help or are you just going to look at me?” 

 

“Help? You knocked down the glass.” 

 

Richard stands up quickly and faces Erlich. He huffs and stamps on the towel one more time.

 

“You know what, it’s not worth it. What do you want?” Erlich wheels the chair Richard was sitting in behind them and sits down on it. Richard throws his hands up exasperatingly and then lets them fall to his sides. 

 

“I am interested in someone… sexually.” Richard makes a disgusted face. He leans back on the desk and swallows the gathering feeling of vomit in his throat.

 

“Oh my god, Erlich, please spare me. I really don’t want to think about you… doing… uh, that.” 

 

“Please, Richard, don’t flatter yourself, I don’t want to be speaking with you about my sexual exploits either, but I think this might concern you.” Richard grimaces again and crosses his arms.

 

“Okay, sure, whatever, okay, I’ll bite… why does it concern me?” 

 

Erlich licks the tips of their pinky and pointer fingers and runs them through their mustache. 

 

“I do first want to preface this, because I already know you’re going to do that thing where you run around like a chicken with its head cut off.” Richard’s eyes widen.

 

“I-- I don’t do that.” 

 

“Whatever you say, Richard, but this isn’t about you.” 

 

Richard sighs. 

 

“Anyways, back to my thing. Do you ever start out thinking someone is an absolute dumbass, just the absolute worst at everything, like the most incompetent and ill-advised, terrible at living, lucky to have made it this far in life, face cheek to ass cheek, overall useless person. And then something changes? I usually don’t have… romantic feelings. I haven’t kissed during sex since I was in college--” 

 

“Oh my god, what?” Richard covers his mouth as he dry heaves. 

 

“Richard, please.” 

 

“What, okay fine, sorry.” Richard shakes his head as if to shake out the image of Erlich having sex from his mind.

 

“I feel as giddy as a pigtail wearing school girl, which I still maintain would be an iconic look for me. Something about them makes me feel charged, like they’re the one person that doesn’t dismiss me as a loud overbearing asshole, which… I know I am, but it’s nice sometimes for someone to see the goodness in you.” Erlich smiles and chuckles wistfully to themself. Richard rolls his eyes. 

 

“Erlich… just… c-can you stop for a second. Who are you talking about?” Erlich smiles up at Richard.

 

“Big Head.” Richard clasps his hand over his mouth, but he couldn’t control the projectile vomit as it sprayed through the cracks in his fingers, covering Erlich’s face and chest. 

 

Erlich wiped the vomit from around their mouth and wipes their hand on the only clean part of their pants. 

 

“That was the reaction I expected.” 

 

\--

 

Erlich walked out of the bathroom, wearing a towel hiked up above their nipples, another towel wrapped elegantly over their hair. Richard, his top shirt button unbuttoned, looks up at Erlich and just sighs. 

 

“Do you really have to wear your towel like that?” 

 

“Yes, Richard, it is necessary, I have to cover my delicate sensibility.” Richard rolls his eyes and puts his hands on his knees and pushes himself up. 

 

“I don’t think you should do this, Erlich. It just… doesn’t make any sense.” Erlich pulls the towel from their head and runs it shakily through their hair. They flip their hair back and throw the towel onto the nearest couch.

 

“Why, Richard? I wanted advice not discouragement. I never ask for advice, this should be an esteemed honor.” Richard picks the towel up off the couch and folds it over his arm.

 

“Big Head isn’t like you. You’re… just… not… uh…” Erlich adjusts their towel. “Can you… please go put on clothes, I don’t want to talk about this, especially not with you in a f--fucking towel, you know? Okay?” Erlich opens their mouth in shock.

 

“I will not be asked to change who I am for any man, Richard.” Richard opens his mouth to retort, but just wipes his free hand across his face.

 

“Okay, fine, whatever.” He walks down the hall and throws the towel into the bathroom as he goes. 

 

“Richard? Richard!” Erlich yells down the hall. 

 

\--

 

Big Head walks into the bar with a Big Gulp in hand. They crane their head and see Richard sitting at the bar. They shuffle up to him.

 

“Hey, dude.” Richard turns around and gives a small smile to Big Head. His eyes meet the Big Gulp. 

 

“Big Head, why did you bring that to a bar?” Big Head looks down at the drink in their hand and then cocks their head.

 

“The Big Gulp? Oh… I didn’t think about it… I just kind of take one everywhere.” Big Head places the cup on the bar and scrambles clumsily onto the stool beside Richard. 

 

They lean forward and take a long drink from the straw. Richard looks over at Big Head and then back to the beer in front of him. 

 

The bartender walks over to Richard and Big Head. She looks down at the Big Gulp and back up at them.

 

“Do you want me to--” Big Head starts, pointing their thumb back at the door. 

 

She waves her hand to cut them off.

 

“They don’t pay me enough to care, don’t worry about it. What do you want?” Big Head took another sip from the drink and looked around the bar. 

 

“Do you guys have like… a menu?” The bartender looks over at Richard and Richard just shrugs.

 

“No, we don’t.” 

 

Another gulp from the straw and the bartender rolls her eyes and looks down at Big Head.

 

“Um… Okay… I guess like a… uh… what’s it called? A fuzzy navel?” The bartender stifles a laugh and walks away.

 

“A fuzzy navel? Really?” Big Head looked over, the straw in their mouth. 

 

“I heard it in a movie once… Is it not a cool drink?” Richard smiles over at them and then drops his gaze again to his beer. 

 

“So what’s up?” Big Head asks as the bartender places the drink in front of them. 

 

“I have something sort of weird to tell you-- I, uh, don’t even really know how to tell--” Big Head slowly removes the straw noisily from their Big Gulp and puts it into the tall glass. They take a drink and nod.

 

“Dude, this is amazing… It tastes like uh… what’s that thing, like a... “ Big Head trails off. They pull the lid off of their Big Gulp and pour the fuzzy navel into the half empty cup.

Richard looks disgusted, but unsurprised. 

 

“Wait… were you… were you saying something, dude, my bad.” Big Head puts the straw back into their drink and takes a long mouthful. 

 

“Uh, y-yeah I was just going to tell you something weird, but I don’t really know how you’re going to take it. It’s like… fucked up almost.” Richard takes a swig from his beer. 

 

“It’s cool, man, go for it.” 

 

“Okay, so, have you talked to Erlich recently?” Big Head furrows their eyebrows and looks over at Richard, making eye contact for the first time since they walked in.

 

“Oh, uh… yeah, we hang out like almost everyday.” Richard looks shocked.

 

“What? You hang out with them everyday? You don’t even hang out with me that often.” Big Head shrugs.

 

“Well, you’re so busy… I don’t want to bother you. I mean… Erlich just kind of shows up. They’re like always around and it’s fine I guess… they don’t really make fun of me much anymore so that’s… cool.” Big Head shrugs.

 

“Uh, okay, okay, um, have they asked you about a-anything, like anything weird or you know something like that?” Richard asks. 

 

Big Head thinks for a moment. They pull their phone out of their pocket slowly and press the message app. They hand the phone over to Richard. 

 

“I don’t know is any of this weird?” Richard takes the phone and scrolls through the messages.  
“Yeah, Big Head a lot of this is weird. ‘What are you doing?’ sent at 2am? ‘What are you wearing tomorrow?’ look they even asked you if you thought they were cute-- Wait did they ask you to dinner tonight? Oh… Oh-- God… Just… Ew.”

 

Richard slides the phone back over to Big Head. 

 

“That stuff’s weird? I don’t know I mean, they’re just asking questions… I didn’t know it meant anything…What do you… Do you think it means something?” Richard opens his eyes wide and shakes his head. 

 

“Big Head, you’re so-- you’re just… Wow. You are so... Uhm, you know what it’s fine, you’re fine, you’re right, none of that is weird. It’s-- it is totally normal.” Richard drinks the last bit of his beer and opens his wallet. He throws a 5 on the counter and scoots back from the bar.

 

“Oh, are you leaving? That’s cool. Uhm… Before you go, uh... what was that fucked up thing you were going to tell me?”

 

Richard pulls on his hoodie and laughs with exasperation. 

 

“It’s nothing, Big Head, just… Have fun on your date tonight.” Richard walks towards the door.  
“Wait… what?” Big Head slowly turns around as Richard pushes through the door out of the bar. 

 

Big Head turns back to the bar, looking confused, and finishes the final gulp of their drink.

 

“Uh… Can I have another… Please?” Big Head raised a finger to the bartender and she gives a small nod.

 

\--

 

Big Head walks up to the incubator and suddenly feels really weird about being there. They shuffle their feet and look down at their hands. They wipe the sweat onto their pant leg and look at the doorbell. They reach forward and press their finger against the doorbell. 

 

Only seconds later, Erlich pulls the door open with a goofy half smile on their face. 

 

“Big Head! Excellent! Come in.” Erlich opens the door wide and lets Big Head into the dim weed and musk smelling home he was so used to. He weakly smiled up at Erlich and walked into the foyer. 

 

“Uh… Is anyone else home? Just wondering.” Big Head gave a meek little laugh and awkwardly shuffled towards the kitchen. 

 

Erlich closed the door and followed quickly behind sidestepping Big Head and standing in the doorway. 

 

“No. It’s just us tonight, I thought I implied that in the text.” Big Head smiles sheepishly. 

 

“Oh… uh… I’m not too good with implications… I’m like pretty… uh literal, I guess. Or like stupid, I dunno.” Erlich steps out of the doorway and let Big Head through. 

 

“Naive? Perhaps. Stupid, I’m not so sure. Literal can be a good thing, Big Head. You’re a no bullshit motherfucker. I respect that.” Big Head sat down at the table and put their elbows on it and held their head in their hands. 

 

“Yeah, I guess.” Erlich opened the fridge and pulled out a yogurt. They opened a drawer and grabbed a petite spoon.

 

“Do you want a yogurt?” Big Head shook their head. 

 

“No… I’m lactose intolerant… I think… or like someone I know is… I don’t remember.” 

 

“Interesting. Well, it’s not contagious, Big Head, so I wouldn’t worry.” Big Head laughed weakly and then put their head back in their hands. 

 

Erlich sauntered over, spoon in mouth, and sat down hard in the chair beside Big Head.

 

“Are you okay? You seem… more monotonous than usual.” Big Head drops their elbows, they looked naked not hiding behind a Big Gulp.

 

“I dunno… Richard said something weird that really freaked me out… Or like didn’t? I don’t really know how I’m feeling. It’s weird…” Big Head looks up at Erlich and they have a huge grin on their face. Big Head just noticed that they had their hair pulled back in the clips they usually only wore while coding. 

 

“Richard? Well, I had a very interesting conversation with Richard earlier this morning, as well. What did he speak to you about?” Erlich didn’t expect Richard to tell Big Head anything from their conversation, but they realized they never mentioned confidentiality. They were a bit taken aback but decided that it might be a good thing to skip the awkward conversation about what their intentions were. They leaned forward and opened their mouth, but Big Head spoke over them, a rarity for anyone. 

 

“Yeah, he said that this was a date? Like a date date? I mean… We hang out all the time, like I don’t know what… he thought made this any different…you know?” Erlich leans back and smooths down their shirt. 

 

“Big Head.” Big Head looks up from avoiding eye contact and into Erlich’s face. “Big Head, you want me to be literal?”

 

“Yeah sure, that’d be helpful, I guess.” Erlich presses their lips together, chuckles lightly.

 

“I’m interested in courting you.”

 

“What... You want to go to court? Oh, uh… Did I break contract or something?” Erlich sucks their teeth and leans closer to Big Head.

 

“No, Big Head, courting means dating. I’m interested in you. Romantically.” Big Head notices the small gap between Erlich’s face and their own. 

 

“Oh… Okay.” Without proper warning, they close the gap and kiss Erlich’s lips lightly, with a softness Erlich hasn’t felt in a very long time. They slowly pull back and Erlich’s eyes flutter back open. Big Head hugs their arms to their chest and look a little guilty. 

 

“That’s what you wanted right? Uh… I haven’t really done that before.” Erlich leaned back and touched their stomach, a bit surprised. 

 

“You haven’t kissed anyone before? Like on the lips? Or anywhere else?” Big Head shook their head softly and Erlich reached over to their yogurt and took a bite. Erlich grinned again.

 

“Okay, well, I can definitely help you with that.” 

 

“Is this weird… I feel like it’s supposed to be weird.” Erlich stood up and walked over to the bar.  
“Everything’s weird, Big Head, we’re all weird. The world’s a weird place where anything can and will happen, so who are we to challenge primal urges that make us feel at one with that weirdness.” Erlich was trying to contain the aching need to stumble over to Big Head for another kiss, but hearing it was their first one gave them pause. 

 

“Uh… do you want to do that again… I mean… kiss… it wasn’t too bad.” Erlich threw down their spoon and walked quickly over to Big Head. Big Head stood up and realized they were too short to comfortably kiss standing as they were when they were sitting. Big Head began to stand on their tip toes, when suddenly they were in the air, Erlich grabbing them from under their ass so that Big Head was straddling their stomach. Their noses touched lightly and then they were kissing. 

 

Big Head felt warmth spreading throughout their body that they had never experienced before. Erlich deepened the kiss and Big Head’s eyes popped open in surprise as they felt Erlich’s tongue in their mouth, something they weren’t expecting to be completely okay with. It felt a little awkward, but Erlich guided them with an uncharacteristic gentleness. 

 

Erlich started walking through the doorway, Big Head in tow. As soon as they were in the hallway, Big Head pulled away from the kiss and looked at Erlich as they chuckled softly.  
“What?” Erlich gasps. 

 

“Your beard tickles.” Big Head takes a hand and faintly touches the small patch of Erlich’s beard running from under their lips to their chin. They smile at it before Erlich leans back in.

Erlich spins them around, their legs still wrapped tightly around their waist and heads for their bedroom. 

 

Erlich kicks at the knob, with the precision of having done this exact thing before. They walk over to the bed and sit down, and Big Head slides down to rest on their lap, never once breaking the kiss. 

 

Erlich reaches back with one hand to a remote on the bed and clicks a button. Sade begins to play over bluetooth speakers. 

 

Big Head pulls away again as the sax opening of Your Love is King begins playing. Big Head pulls a hair from their mouth.

 

“Woah… this is tight… who sings this?” Erlich resists the urge to roast Big Head for not knowing Sade, and settles on just expanding their musical vocabulary.

 

“It’s Sade, the most inspirational seductress of this or any other century.” 

 

“Oh, that’s cool… I really like the sax.” Erlich found themself running their hands through Big Head’s hair.

 

They felt such an overwhelming need to protect Big Head. Erlich had never had such a strong feeling of protection for another person, least of all someone they wanted to have sex with. They’d never had a staggering sense that they wanted to wake up the next day and actually have the person be there the next morning. 

 

“You’re right, Big Head, this is weird.” Big Head looked dismayed for a second and then furrowed their brows.

 

“Oh, uh, do you want me to get off or…” Erlich placed a large hand on the side of Big Head’s face.

 

“No, I just don’t think I’ve ever really cared about someone like this before.” 

 

“Okay, so you’ve never cared about anyone and I’ve never kissed anyone. We’re really… uh… making stuff happen tonight…” 

 

Erlich flips Big Head over so they’re sprawled out on the bed. Erlich leans down and places a ginger kiss on their lips before walking over to an impressive glass piece collection. 

 

Big Head sits up on their elbows and looks over as Erlich scrapes some loose weed into their hand and then into the bowl of the bong. 

 

They take a huge rip and offer it over to Big Head. They shake their head.

 

“Uh… I don’t really smoke weed, it makes me kind of paranoid…” Erlich coughs, choking in surprise. Through their coughs they tried to speak.

 

“What” cough “do” cough “you mean?” cough. They regained composure and slammed a balled fist against their chest. 

 

“You don’t smoke? I just assumed you were high all the time.” 

 

Big Head plopped back on the bed and tucked their hands behind their head. 

 

“Yeah… most people do. I guess I understand why… but you know, I don’t really… do that.”  
Erlich shrugs. 

 

“Hm… More for papa, then.” Erlich takes another large rip and places the piece down next to it’s siblings.

 

Erlich steps over to the bed and lifts one leg up over Big Head, straddling them. They lean down and kiss them again, holding the sides of their chest. 

 

“You taste like weed.” Big Head mumbles into Erlich’s mouth. Erlich gives a crooked smile. 

 

“You’re going to have to get used to that.” 

 

“Oh, okay.” 

 

Erlich pulls at Big Head’s shirt and Big Head lets them pull it up over their head. Erlich throws it into the fray of clothes covering their floor. 

 

Two pink scars run under Big Head’s nipples and Erlich smiles down at them. Erlich lowers themself down and kisses each of them. Big Head shivers, they don’t know if it’s from being kissed in a place they’ve never been kissed before, or because of Erlich’s lack of shock upon seeing their scars. 

 

Big Head pulls the clips out of Erlich’s hair and places them softly onto the table beside the bed and then runs their fingers through the red curls. 

 

Erlich lifts their own shirt off their body and wiggles back on Big Head’s body clutching the waistband of Big Head’s pants and trying to pull them down.

 

Big Head places their hands on Erlich’s and the two lock eyes. Erlich was breathing heavy and Big Head shook their head slightly at them.

 

“I… uh… I don’t know…” Erlich’s breathing slows and they turn their hands so that they were intertwined with Big Head’s. 

 

“Yeah, I get it. Dysphoria’s a bitch. We don’t have to fuck if you don’t feel comfortable.” Erlich let’s go of Big Head’s hands and lifts their leg over them and sits at the side of the bed.  
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have been so forward. I’m just so used to going straight for the proverbial gold, I didn’t stop to think--” 

 

Big Head jumps off the bed in front of Erlich and kneels, they pull at Erlich’s cargo shorts and Erlich lifts their ass off the bed to oblige. 

 

Big Head stands and unbuttons their jeans, slowly, unassuredly. Their hand was shaking. Erlich places a steady hand over theirs and Big Head lowers their jeans, standing naked in front of Erlich. 

 

Erlich grins wide and picks Big Head up and tenderly places them back down on the bed.  
“This… is cool” Big Head whispers as Erlich pulls out the drawer next to their bed and grabs at a condom.

 

“I’m glad you think so.” Erlich spits in their hand as they slid the condom on. 

 

“You look… really pretty by the way…” Big Head mumbles as Erlich thrusts forward for the first time. Big Head gasps, clenches their teeth and lets out a long hiss of air. 

 

“Big Head, is this-- Have you had sex before?” Big Head’s vision has blurred. They felt light and unlike they had ever felt before. 

 

They choke out, “Please… keep… going.” Erlich’s concern fades to excitement. They lean down over Big Head as they continue the momentum. Big Head lets out quiet yelps and grabs blindly up at Erlich’s hair and pulls them down and closes Erlich’s mouth in a kiss. 

 

Big Head breathes heavily into Erlich’s mouth and the swell of Sade’s Kiss of Life plays. Big Head releases Erlich’s hair and grasps at the bedsheets, their hips bucking up to meet the rhythmic beats of Erlich’s. They both gasp at the cadence quickens. Big Head feels like their brain might explode as Erlich straightens their back and howls loudly at the ceiling. 

 

Big Head shudders and gasps as Erlich pulls out their dick and rips off the condom, throwing it at a wastebasket near the door. 

 

“Did…” Big Head tries to regain composure to speak. 

 

“Did you just howl.... L--like a wolf?”

 

Erlich snatches their clips from the bedside table and hurriedly puts them in as they kneel at the foot of the bed.

 

“Yes I did. Did you come?” Erlich asks as they grab Big Head’s ankles and pull them until their face is between Big Head’s legs. Big Head sits up on their elbows and cocks their head.

 

“I… don’t really know… I mean that felt like… really good. How do you know? When… you come, I mean.” Erlich smiles up at Big Head and then buries their face between Big Head’s legs.  
They look up one more time.

 

“Trust me, you’ll know.” And they bury their head once more.

 

Big Head falls back from their elbows and a jolt of fire expands up their spine. They never thought they could feel something like this. Masturbating never felt like fingernails softly scraping up their back or a full body electric hum. They buck and they feel Erlich’s hands gripping their thighs. They see Erlich’s head bobbing and give a gasping laugh as they realize the clips are perfectly keeping their hair out of their way as they work. They think about how giving head is as much work as writing code when suddenly they were seeing stars.

 

“Oh… Oh… I think it’s happening!” Erlich has never heard Big Head yell before and was happy to be the one who made it happen. 

 

“Yup, definitely happening!” Another gasping yelp before Big Head buried their fingers in Erlich’s hair and jolted up and down in a frenzy. All their muscles tense and they feel like they’re going to rip Erlich’s hair from their scalp and then suddenly a flash bomb of whiteness and then a wave of extreme relaxation. Their hands slack from Erlich’s hair and fall to their sides. A few residual shock waves shudder through them and then Erlich has Big Head in their arms. 

 

The kiss for a long moment before Erlich lies Big Head on the bed. They pick up Big Head’s boxers and throw them over. Big Head struggles into them, still vibrating slightly. Erlich picks up their own and they slide them on, reaching out for the already packed bong. 

 

They pull the slide and see Big Head staring up at them. Erlich smiles and sets down the bong before jumping into bed, shaking Big Head as they giggle. Erlich’s hand meshes with Big Head’s and they pull it around them, scooting their ass into Big Head’s crotch. 

 

“Oh… you like to be… uh… the little spoon?” Big Head whispers into Erlich’s back. 

 

“Yeah. I prefer it and demand it, unless, of course you want to switch?” Big Head smiles widely and shakes their head. 

 

“No… Uh… this is great… I like this.” Erlich feels Big Head tighten their grip around them. 

 

“Good.”


End file.
